In the Walgreens parking lot before dropping MadamBob off two days ago:
Me (looking in the backseat): Ok, when we get to your house we’re opening these fucking Christmas presents in the driveway! They’ve been back there for almost a month!
MadamBob: If they were fucking presents they would have certainly made a whole car full of little, shiny baby presents by now.
Me: *crickets*
MadamBob: What?
Me: Yours can’t procreate.
MadamBob: *crickets*
And so, one month and one day later, we exchanged presents in MadamBob’s driveway. This is what I got her:
That’s right! A zombie board game!
Speaking of zombies, this is what I got KrazyKev:
Apparently, even a smoking, remote-controlled zombie can’t take down Radioactive Man! Seriously, the thing emits smoke, and no, it’s not supposed to!
And these, these are what KrazyKev gave me and MadamBob:
Sweet Morgan Freeman is that?
It is! It IS pink-handled, rhinestone-covered, makes-the-day-g0-faster PICKAXES!!!
And even better, he made them for us himself! Painted the handles and sat on the front porch while meticulously attaching every single rhinestone!
Do they work? I’m posting this from next Thursday, so yeah, they work!
AND this is what MadamBob got me:
It’s so cute! It has a catapult shaped (I typed “shamed” first, how appropriate) like Notre Dame and six tiny little nuns barely the size of my thumbnail!
Yes, I realize there are no awesome pictures to show you and that’s all my fault for being too busy making my belly button bleed last night and then forgetting! And after I’d stopped at Walgreens on the way home to buy a ruler to use as a pointer and everything!
I know. I suck (tell your friends).
But you know, I was right. There was no way there could have been a car full of little, shiny baby presents because zombies, whether game pieces or remote-controlled, cannot procreate!
And nuns can’t because they’re not allowed to have sex!
And you know nuns ALWAYS do what they’re told.
*crickets*
Did you get KrazyKev the action figures or a framed poster of an awesome comic?!
In the history of gift giving you and your besties have made histories. BEST PRESENTS with loving thoughts and care that have gone into the selection and even making of it in one case. WOW.
KrazyKev is a true mensch. Please let him now he has my utmost admiration.
subWOW, to clarify, Hellish gave me the remote controlled zombie shown in the pictures. It has a brain-shaped remote control and is supposed to groan and walk forward on its own. It is an awesome and well thought out gift, to be sure! When turned on it began to groan like a zombie, but it also started to emit a “burning plastic” smell and a substantial amount of white smoke from the shoulder. It has been battery free ever since to reduce the risk of fire. The other figure is one I already happened to have up at my office…Radioactive Man from the Simpsons TV series. The comic strip has to do with the fact that I had been asked by Hellish to provide pictures last night. Unfortunately, between a really long week at work, a heavy dinner, and a quantity of jail juice, I spaced on taking the pictures until this morning….so I brought the zombie to work and made the comic strip which she was gracious enough to publish in her blog.
Also; a sheynem dank!!
A remote control Zombie?! that groans with smoke coming out and flesh-burning smoke? Perfect-O!
So you DID make the comic strip yourself. And you DID make the pickaxes. Like I said, you are a mensch, and a very creative and talented on at that.
He’s pretty fricking creative! We put on a murder mystery at work (years ago when we actually worked together) and he came in dressed to the nines and had learned how to speak like his character would in 1928 Chicago!
You guys are too funny….love the flying nuns!
They’re so tiny! They’re adorable! I’ll have to post a picture of them.
I have got to find the flying nuns game, just for the sheer glee of launching nuns across the room. BEST. THERAPY. EVER.
Also, did your amazing home improvement skills prompt Krazy Kev to create rhinestone studded welding picks? I think there’s huge untapped potential in the Metro-Sexual Boilermaker demographic for these. He needs to take out a patent.
MadamBob and I told him there’s probably more of a market for pink, rhinestone studded tools than anyone’s aware of.
For the Flying Nuns game go here: http://www.amazon.com/Flying-Nuns-Mega-Mini-Kits/dp/0762440090
For a tub of flying nuns for the Nun Chuck gun I can’t seem to find, go here: http://www.mcphee.com/shop/products/Tub-of-Flying-Nuns.html
Damn it! I was going to buy that gun!
I remember that post about the pickaxes! Even before I saw the caption, I remembered them!
I’m not sure whether to be impressed or very, very worried about you!
Why is your belly button bleeding? Did my sewing machine get you too?
There is no sewing machine that can take this belly button!