In the Walgreens parking lot before dropping MadamBob off two days ago:
Me (looking in the backseat): Ok, when we get to your house we’re opening these fucking Christmas presents in the driveway! They’ve been back there for almost a month!
MadamBob: If they were fucking presents they would have certainly made a whole car full of little, shiny baby presents by now.
Me: Yours can’t procreate.
And so, one month and one day later, we exchanged presents in MadamBob’s driveway. This is what I got her:
That’s right! A zombie board game!
Speaking of zombies, this is what I got KrazyKev:
Apparently, even a smoking, remote-controlled zombie can’t take down Radioactive Man! Seriously, the thing emits smoke, and no, it’s not supposed to!
And these, these are what KrazyKev gave me and MadamBob:
Sweet Morgan Freeman is that?
It is! It IS pink-handled, rhinestone-covered, makes-the-day-g0-faster PICKAXES!!!
And even better, he made them for us himself! Painted the handles and sat on the front porch while meticulously attaching every single rhinestone!
Do they work? I’m posting this from next Thursday, so yeah, they work!
AND this is what MadamBob got me:
It’s so cute! It has a catapult shaped (I typed “shamed” first, how appropriate) like Notre Dame and six tiny little nuns barely the size of my thumbnail!
Yes, I realize there are no awesome pictures to show you and that’s all my fault for being too busy making my belly button bleed last night and then forgetting! And after I’d stopped at Walgreens on the way home to buy a ruler to use as a pointer and everything!
I know. I suck (tell your friends).
But you know, I was right. There was no way there could have been a car full of little, shiny baby presents because zombies, whether game pieces or remote-controlled, cannot procreate!
And nuns can’t because they’re not allowed to have sex!
And you know nuns ALWAYS do what they’re told.