Sex, Ties and Reconditioning

Every now and then, in the early days of my working in corporate America, I would show up at the office sporting a crisp, white shirt, navy blue skirt, heels and beautiful silk tie that yielded non-stop questions from the men on where they could buy one and ”Why didn’t I think of that?” from the women.

It was a novelty, an ice-breaker, a conversation starter and a sure-fire way to turn a head.  

A woman wearing a tie?  Quick!  Get a camera!

Every few months I’d tie one on and head to work, feeling very much like the little noose around my neck was magic, somehow making the men relax security at the front door to the boys’ club, allowing me to catch a glimpse of their secret handshake before being shooed out when my girly giggle gave me away.

A few weeks ago, after explaining to MadamBob why I know how to tie a Windsor knot, I found myself standing in the Men’s department at Macy’s in front of a table full of beautiful ties.  Just as I was about to pick one up the image of my own face, eyes wide, mouth completely covered by a tie I saw on one of the PITA bosses earlier in the week went  flashing again and again in my mind until I backed away and left the store completely.

It appears that after working for years for ungrateful, oppressive men and watching the villains of our generation destroy lives like a pit of greedy vipers has made me tie averse.  Now they symbolize everything I hate about corporate America.

People, the Devil wears a Prada tie.

This revelation sickened me.  I don’t like the incessant need in our culture to label everything, to categorize by race, religion, sexual orientation and gender.  When it comes to work none of that matters.  The only thing that should bear any weight is the job you do, not whether or not your resume states “4.0 in Half Windsor Knot Tying, Have penis/Will travel.” Somehow, women STILL making less than men for doing the same job has become tangled in an everyday article of clothing.

A neck tie should not conjure images like this…

MadamBob and the old ball & chain.

 …no matter how adorable and sexy MadamBob is in it!

KrazyKev pointed out that not all men in ties WANT to wear them and are just as much slaves to the stifling, corporate, “Business Attaire Only,” rules.

Even KrazyKev's not immune.

This only made me feel worse, because a KrazyKev bound by a tie against his will is much less krazy, and what fun is that?

Disgusted and more than a little lost I did what I always do when life leaves me disenchanted.  I turned to some of my favorite bloggers to help recondition my anti-tie stance by changing the association. 

Let me tell you, with blogger friends like these you will never look at a neck tie the same way again!

Patty Punker

Oh yes that IS Patty Puissance Punker sporting a tie, a tan, a bikini and a smile all while surfing on vacation from her own corporate American Hell!   Can you believe this woman deals with corporate PITA’s all day?  Me either.

The Barreness

Electric blue stilettos and a well deserved cigarette?  It can be none other than The Barreness!  The absence of knee bruising would be suspicioius…if I could remember what a bruise, the word “suspicious” or my name was!

Lin from The Absence of Alternatives

The sultry, subltle shadow in a fedora and red lipstick?  It can’t be!  Oh, but it is.  It’s Lin from The Absence of Alternatives, bewitched by the spirit of Annie Lennox, who must have had this picture in mind when singing “Sweet dreams are made of these…”

Andrea of A Little Bit Rock N Roll

If you ever hear me say “I’m with the band” I mean I’m Andrea from A Little Bit Rock N Roll‘s #1 Groupie and President of this Rock Goddess’ fan club!  Did I mention I’m Head of Security too?  Now stop pushing and stay behind the rope please!  Damn paparazzi.

What strikes me most about all these pictures is the common demoninator: sexiness.

You know, when I asked these strong, talented, beautiful women to don a tie for me I knew I’d have to do the same and my first thought (after the snake tie) was to do a sexy version of the way Rodney Dangerfield used to loosen his tie when exclaiming that he got no respect!  But, I don’t have the confidence or the collar bones for the shot. 

Whether we’re stuck in a stuffy, conservative office, molding young minds or rearing children it seems the only way to maintain respect is to never, ever, under any circumstance give any hint that you might be even remotely capable of being a sexual, well, being! 

Men are expected, even encouraged, to have sexual exploits, which actually contributes positively to their status with other men…and women! 

If you’re a woman, sex is something you do in private.  The moment your boss overhears you recanting a weekend of high-flying Nutella sex everything changes!  “You have sex?  And you enjoy it?  Well, I can’t possibly take you seriously anymore now can I?”

Of course I’m not stating anything new here.  We’ve all experienced this unfortunate, backwards, Neanderthal way of thinking.

I do, however, want to point out that when given the chance to express ourselves where it’s safe to be exactly who we really are without judgement, sexiness always seems to seep in somewhere!  Which is both awesome and tragic.

With that said, I’d like to extend the offer to all female bloggers out there with a camera, a neck tie and the desire to expess themselves to send me a pic and a link to your site to be posted here sometime next week.  Have fun, be yourself and pass it along to anyone you think might like to participate!  

If I get enough interest I’ll post more details this Friday.

In the meantime, I’m going to go look at the pics I DIDN’T post today and try not to burn my retinas from the sheer beauty of it all!

This reconditioning thing might actually be working!

Hey, it’s a start…